How wonderful to bring you our first blog posting! We are very excited about this new journey and to interact with you via this medium.
We will be posting monthly and will value your questions and comments.
So, here we go....!
In this first posting, we would like to share with you on the MYTHS AND MISPERCEPTIONS ABOUT ADOPTION
In our work and efforts to make adoption more accessible as
a concept and in practice, we have noticed just how many misperceptions prevail
about the subject in society. These misperceptions are evident in how adoption
is portrayed in television programs, magazines and newspaper articles, and even
in conversations with the man on the street. They have a serious impact on how society
views adoption – from the general public to the formal sector. We have noticed that even social workers
carry negative views on adoption due to misperceptions.
Part of our mission is to open up the conversation to
overcome misperceptions by addressing these knowledge gaps in our everyday
engagement with people. We believe we can impact the future of adoption in a
positive way by replacing myths with objective information.
From our experience, we
are able to group the myths as follows:
1.
Infertility
and pregnancy
These myths can cause
a lot of emotional pain and place pressure on couples trying to conceive:
MYTHS
|
FACTS
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Infertility is a woman’s
problem.
|
This is untrue. It surprises
most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of cases, a
male problem in 35% of cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases,
and is unexplained in 10% of cases. It
is essential that both the man and the woman are evaluated during an
infertility work-up.
|
Everyone seems to become pregnant at the drop of a hat.
|
More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States
experience infertility. When you seek
support, you will find that you are not alone. A step towards feeling less
isolated is to join a support group, or talk to others who are struggling to
build a family.
|
It’s all in your head! Why
don’t you relax or take a vacation.
Then you’ll get pregnant!
Don’t worry so much – it just takes time. You’ll get pregnant, if you’re patient
|
Infertility is a disease or condition of the reproductive system. While relaxing may help you with your
overall quality of life, the stress and deep emotions you feel are the result
of infertility, not the cause of it.
Improved medical techniques have made it easier to diagnose
infertility problems.
Infertility is a medical problem that may be treated. At least 50% of those who complete an
infertility evaluation will respond to treatment with a successful
pregnancy. The success rate in
overcoming problems of infertility varies from case to case. Those who do not seek help have a
“spontaneous cure rate” of about 5% after a year of infertility.
|
If you adopt a baby you’ll get pregnant!
|
This is one of the most painful myths for couples to hear. Firstly, it suggests that adoption is only
a means to an end, not a happy and successful end in itself. Secondly, it is simply not true. Studies reveal that the rate for achieving
pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt.
|
Why don’t you just forget it and adopt? After all, there are so many babies out
there who need homes!
|
For many, adoption is a happy resolution to infertility. However, most people explore medical
treatment for infertility prior to considering adoption. In addition, traditional adoption options
have changed, and adoption can be more costly and time-consuming than one
might expect. It is, however, still
possible to adopt the healthy baby of your dreams. There are also many older children and
children with special needs available for adoption.
|
Maybe you two are doing something wrong!
|
Infertility is a medical condition, not a sexual disorder.
|
I’ve lost interest in my job, hobbies, and my friends because of
infertility. No one understands! My life will never be the same!
|
Infertility is a life crisis – it has a ripple effect on all areas of
your life. It is normal to feel a
sense of failure that can affect your self-esteem and self-image. You will move through this crisis. It is a process, and it may mean letting go
of initial dreams. Throughout this
process, stay informed about the wide range of options and connect with others
with similar experiences
|
2.
People interested in adopting
MYTHS
|
FACTS
|
You cannot specify the race
of the baby you want to adopt.
|
Since adoption is a lifelong
commitment and a very personal choice of parenting, it is important that you
and your family decide on the race and profile of the child that you can
integrate into your family – so you DO have the choice. It is very important not to make a
desperate choice without understanding your motive to adopt from another culture
and to ensure it is sincere and thought through with care.
|
It is not possible to adopt
these days, as organisations have closed their waiting lists.
|
This is dependent on the race
of the child you are considering adopting.
We work from the perspective of the child’s needs, so strive to
maintain a balance between the profile of children in need of permanent
families and the profile of prospective adoptive parents on waiting lists.
The reality is that there
are very few White and Indian babies legally available for adoption at any given
time, due to several reasons like opting
for abortion or single parenting.
We have thousands of potential parents for just a few babies resulting
in strict criteria and long waiting times.
Many organizations closed these programs due to the scarcity of babies
and rather refer enquiries to other organisations with such programs.
On the other hand, there are,
on average, 500 Black and mix-race babies waiting for suitable adoptive
parents at any given time and only about 25 Black parents screened for these babies,
hence our focus on recruiting and screening prospective parents for these
children.
|
I am not a perfect parent
and adopting an unrelated child has just too many risks. What are the chances of success?
|
Research has shown that the
two main things influencing the success of an adoption are the willingness to
learn and open your head and heart; and commitment. It is therefore of utmost importance that
parents are well informed and prepared when considering adoption.
|
We have to adopt and save
the children of SA to help us feel less guilty about the history of the
country.
|
Motivation is paramount to
the success of the adoption and should never be a way to help a parent deal
with their own guilt/loss. The best motive
to adopt is the same as having a biological child - because you want to raise
a child and love them unconditionally.
If you adopt with any other
motive, the child will sense it and may grow up feeling they must be grateful
that you chose them, and if something goes wrong, it is their fault.
|
Everybody in this country
should adopt to address the problem.
|
Again, adoption is a very
personal choice and not something all families feel comfortable with. It is okay if you don’t. Our friends and
families who do make the choice to adopt a child would, however, welcome our
support.
|
There are so many children
in need, but then I have to pay money to adopt?
|
Being screened and prepared
as an adoptive parent is a process prescribed by the Children’s Act. Furthermore the birth parents need to be
counseled and the child’s legal and medical adoptability needs to be comprehensively
assessed. This can only be done by an accredited adoption social worker and
will take an average of 60 hours of professional time at the hourly fee
stipulated in the Children’s Act.
As government subsidy for
adoption is currently very limited and only available to some organisations,
most accredited adoption social workers/organisations are dependent on a
professional fee to be able to render these services.
What is important to know is
that, in accordance with the Children’s Act, your income may not disqualify
you from adopting. A sliding scale is applicable when discussing costs of
professional services. We are
committed to finding suitable families, so money should not stand in the way
In the absence of a
standardized fee, organisations have their own professional fee structures in
accordance with the Act
|
Nature versus nurture – I
need to bring up a stable child, but what about their genes?
|
Nature versus nurture deals
with understanding the difference between the roles of genetics versus the
role of environment in the development of adoptive children. Parents need to understand that their and
their family’s perspectives will be very important. One needs to understand
the interplay between nature and nurture: If you say only ‘nurture’ plays a
role, you take 100% responsibility for a child’s behaviour. If you say only
nature plays a role, you take no responsibility at all.
|
Adoptions should be kept a
secret.
|
Good adoption practice and a
golden rule in adoption is that the child should be aware that they are
adopted. The sharing of this
information will be an ongoing process and will start shortly after
placement. Adoptive parents need to understand that it is the child’s story.
It is also the parent’s responsibility to be the first to tell the child;
otherwise you lose control of the manner in which the information is
told. It is the child’s story to
share!
Research shows that it is
preferable that a parent shares everything they know before the child reaches
puberty. It is important to share information according to a child’s
developmental phases.
|
|
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Beyond the Myths
What
are the first thoughts that enter your mind when you think about adoption? Do
you think that a parent who gives up their child for adoption is throwing their
child away? Are you under the impression that only rich, married couples are
allowed to adopt? Do you perhaps believe that it is more difficult to raise an
adopted child than a biological child? These are just a handful of the many misperceptions
that people have about adoption.
At Abba we believe that:
1. Adoption is an act of love. It can be the
most loving option when facing a crisis pregnancy where there is little or no
support. Adoption is a difficult and selfless decision made in the best
interests of the child.
2. Adoptions are mostly successful. Research has shown that, in general,
adoptions do not disrupt the child’s life in a negative way. For many reasons,
adoptions are considered more successful than foster care.
3. Adopted children seldom display behavioural
problems. According to research, adoptive families are more open to seeking
external support during difficult times, so are less prone to serious
individual or family dysfunction.
4. Adoptive families needn’t be perfect. Families
that have experienced and overcome problems are often better adoptive
resources. Positive outcomes for adoptive families and children depend on good,
solid and insightful preparation and education of adoptive parents. These resources
are available to adoptive families throughout their lives.
5. Any child can be considered adoptable.
Adoptability is determined by those social workers closest to the child and the
birth mother, and is based on a variety of factors.
6. Effective parenting is not dependant on one’s
marital status, religious affiliation or financial status. The most important
aspect in adoption is the prospective adoptive parent’s commitment to
parenting. Ideal adoptive families have sufficient financial means to respond
to their child’s basic needs.
7. Working parents can make good adoptive
parents.
8. Children can be successfully adopted by
families of different races and ethnicities.
9. In the past, adoptions focused on finding
babies for infertile couples. Today the focus is on finding families for
waiting children. The focus has moved from “investigating suitability” to
“education and preparation of adoptive parents”.
10. Adoption is not a result of a forced
intervention by external parties. It is a proactive action by a birth family or
social worker. The terms of the adoption are negotiated with both the
birthmother and father who are seen as key decision-makers. They may choose to be
involved in the matching and selection process of the adoptive parent(s) and to
receive information about their child’s adjustment to the adoptive family.
11. The screening and preparation process that
adoptive applicants go through is very important. This can be time-consuming,
but is crucial to the success of the adoption.
Hope that you enjoyed the first sharing of Abba-thoughts on adoption.
Until next month - keep on igniting the passion for adoption!
